My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
