We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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