Welp...herpes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
