I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
