i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
