Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
