Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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