You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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