I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
