Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
smell my finger.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
