I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
