We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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