Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
