so that wasnt chicken after all
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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