I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
