So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
