Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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