My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
