you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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