Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need water and some morals
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
