Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
