i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
