Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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