i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
