I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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