Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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