The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
