I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drunk is not a location!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
