What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
