Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
