It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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