you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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