Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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