Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
