dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
