so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
