I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
