The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
