Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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