Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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