I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Couch. On fire.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
