omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
