I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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