If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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