I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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