after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
