I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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