First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
