so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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