i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
