Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
