we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
