You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
