There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
