The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
