You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
